1) Don't mess with nice ramps (aka don't try and cook after one of those black hole naps where you can't even hear your music blasting.)
I took this pretty bouquet of ramps and made a version of the ramp spaghetti on epicurious and added some grilled squid. Instead of blanching the ramps like the recipe suggested, I thought I would be clever and throw them on Jesse and Paul's grill. The results were CATASTROPHE. Too much ramp, too much mesquite (I didn't think either of those those were possible), too much oil, too much recklessness on my part (I was too hungry). The whole thing was vaguely edible and specifically unsavory. Next time, I will try sauteeing the ramps and leave them alone and make a romesco sauce for them a la Casa Mono. If I try and make the pasta again, I would use less ramps and add some pine nuts or almond and tomato into the food processor.
But, the grilled squid was a true delight. The mesquite really insinuates itself into that rubbery flesh beautifully. Chop the squid into rectangles that are about 4 inches long and score it with a knife, making diagonal lines on one side. Marinate it with a little olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper and lemon and thread the pieces onto skewers. Throw it on the grill until they are no longer translucent. Now, go try it and spread the gospel of squid BBQ. Back to the list of failures:
2) Don't buy chicken from the supermarket half frozen and then
make
hurried attempts to defrost it in the microwave and then go and have a
10 minute conversation with someone and then realize that the chicken
has been zapped into a rubberballsculptureno.2opus10, and then be
ambivalent about whether you want to pan fry the chicken or follow the
recipe and braise it, so that your chicken feels like it is the kid in
Kramer Vs. Kramer, and then try and
actually eat it.
3) Don't buy a lamb arm shoulder chop because it's $6.99/lb as
opposed to
the $17/lb lamb rib chop and then try and cook with it as if it was
expensive. Look at all those fine muscles in that shoulder converging
on each other. It's a nice anatomical study but not good for eating as
a STEAK. Okay, it was flavorful, but the chewing experience was not
right. It was smothered in anchovy butter and after a while I was
thinking of fish and muscles and chew and gross and not delicious lamb.
Generally, shoulder chops are meant for cooking down into stews and
such for hours
on end, but I just ignored that part. You will see a post from me on a
good anchovy butter recipe soon but this wasn't it.
4) Don't eat at a sushi place that serves bowling ball sized sushi, where you have to practically cut it with a knife and fork. Sushi pieces are meant to fit in your mouth all at once. Mr. Yasuda is rumored to survey your jaw when you walk into his place, so that he makes the perfect size for you. If that's true, that's a bit much, but you get the idea.
That concludes my noteworthy list of food failures, spanning from February 01, 2007 through May 25, 2007.
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